I'm Baaaaaack

OK, so I never really went away.  Things have been very busy here, and as such I've neglected the heck out of this blog and denied thousands of faithful readers the chance to stay updated with the happenings around here.

In the spirit of the World Cup of Football/Soccer I have prepared a comprehensive list of excuses for why I haven't posted in so long.  Consider this the blog equivalent of "flopping", the soccer practice of flailing to the ground like you've just been shot to try to get a penalty call.  This is an insidious and disgusting practice that makes soccer look like an incredibly wussy sport, and unfortunately the practice has started permeate other noble sports like basketball, but that complaint is for another post.

Without further adieu....my list of excuses:

1 - Alycia's ankle surgery. We're on week 4 of post surgery and she's in a cast and on crutches for another few days.  She's become quite an impressive one-legged hopper (we have several nicknames for her, but none I can share), but for the first few weeks she was in a large bandage-wrap and pretty much completely immobile.  I was her nurse, caretaker, errand boy, dog-walker, ice pack changer, foot elevator, foot pillow deliverer, water fetcher, and more.  It was all worth it.  She was a great patient, her recovery has been quick and her foot is healing well, but it was an exhausting couple of weeks taking care of her. 

2 - Work.  I've actually been working.  No really.  I had a trip back to CA to do actual work, of the "in an office, wearing pants and shoes" variety.  I can provide contacts of clients who will testify on my behalf for all of you non-believers. 

3 - Sunspots.  They've been bad lately.  You may have noticed.

4 - My garden and other outside work.  Once the weather gets nice, it's hard to escape the illogical-ness of sitting inside and writing a blog about my gardening instead of actually getting outside in the garden.  The last two weeks of rain and warm, humid weather have left things looking awesome.  The tomato plants grow six inches a day, it's nutty.  You can almost sit there and watch them get larger.  In a month or so when they start to ripen there will be many, many tomatoes.  My estimated daily intake of lycopene in August and September will be approximately seven hundred thousand milligrams.

5 - High winds.  Windy conditions make typing incredibly difficult.  And North Dakota gets very, very windy.    

6 - Blog inertia and the weight of expectations.  For those of you don't blog, you just won't understand (please read this in a snarky voice for full effect), but suffice to say I know how Hemmingway, Tolstoy, and the guy who writes the Garfield comic feel.  The pressure of knowing that the tome you are writing is to be digested, critiqued, and beloved by millions puts an enormous pressure to have it be perfect, and sometimes the motivation to write at that level is hard to muster.

Actually what happens is I say:

"Crap, crap Mother Hubbard (yes I swear a lot in my internal monologue), it's been two weeks since my last post, I better write something really good".  The two options are 1) buckle down and write or 2) procrastinate.  Anyone who knows me will know what option I choose. 

Scene - two weeks later:

"Crap damnit, it's been a month since my last post, I better write something good and not just tell stories about Shaak Ti chasing squirrels".  Refer to decision tree above for results from this dilemma.

Scene - another two weeks later.

"Pasta Fazool!! It's been a month and a half since I wrote anything, I'm gonna sit down right now and....wait, what's that?  The Ivory Coast vs. Switzerland world cup match is on???  Ooooh, this should be a good game".  But it isn't.  Like 90% of the games I've watched, it ends in a 0-0 tie, I mean a draw. 

So that's all we've got for now.  Hopefully with calmer winds, fewer sunspots, and no extremity surgeries, we can wrangle up some more regular posts over the summer.  But of course, no promises.