A Rough Month

Well gang, it's been a few weeks since I've broken radio silence.  I'm not ignoring you, this isn't some complicated tough love experiment.  Without turning this into a (yet another) woe is me missive, I shall endeavor to merely describe why I've been negligent in my blogging duties. 

Starting the weekend after Christmas I've been knocked flat on my keester with some manner of "digestive" issue (yes I'm trying to be delicate here).  Multiple trips to the doctor and many diagnostic tests have been unable to ascertain exactly what the problem is, and I've gotten slowly better.  But there are some lingering issues and my doctor has me on a gluten-free, dairy-free diet that includes avoiding chocolate, spicy foods, acidic foods, fatty foods, anything that tastes good...and worst of all coffee.  Sigh. 

The good news from the bout of who-knows-what is that I've lost a lot of weight and am reveling in my new svelte figure.  Please bear in mind though that this is NOT a diet program that I would reccomend. 

On top of that we're experience transportation woes here at the homestead.  It's finally time to put the 1992 Toyota Camry out to pasture, and last night on our way to the UND basketball game a stupid high school girl who was driving too fast (and probably texting) lost control of her car, slid across two lanes of traffic and the median and smacked into our only remaining drivable vehicle.  More hoop jumping, phone calls, and annoyance.  But we're both OK, though our only mode of transport at this point is deaf-dogsled, we'll let you know how that works out. 

So to take our minds off our various worries, let's watch a clip from an old South Park episode, yes Petey the Sexual Harassment Panda.  I dare you to not let this song get stuck in your head.

Polar Vortex, Historic Cold

I know that in winter I post a lot "jeez look how cold it is here" kinds of things.  These posts are only slightly meant to be an outlet for my complaining about the weather.  Mostly they're about cool weather related stuff that until we moved here 5 years ago, I'd never conceived of. For instance, I'd never heard the phrase "polar vortex" until this week. 

A polar vortex is a gigantic semi-permanent cyclone that hovers near each of the Earths' poles and can bring significant cold air to other areas during weakening/oscillation.  Essentially we'll have the weather that should be at the North Pole here in Grand Forks for a few days.  I won't tell you how much time I've spent browsing scientific websites reading about polar vortices (plural of vortex), but it's been quite fun.

As an accountant and numbers person, these numbers are fascinating to me.  These are numbers I never even would have thought possible until I moved here,  And granted, these are just the actual surface temperatures, this doesn't factor in the wind chill, which is expected to be in the -50, -60, even -70 range today through Tuesday - that's just plain crazy!!  Local news and the newspaper has stated that weather this cold "Hasn't been seen in the area in decades".

Weather forecast picture from the Grand Forks Herald.

Fourth Coldest December on Record

It's been a cold stretch here over the last month or so, dang cold.  We've had the kind of cold that literally takes your breath away when you step outside, makes you mutter expletives, and forces you to strongly rethink your life decisions.  How cold?  The fourth coldest December on record since some crazy ass pioneers settled here and started measuring the temperature and writing it down in 1890. 

You can read the full article here in the Grand Forks Herald, but here's the relevant piece:

"Jeff Makowski, meteorologist at the National Weather Service office in Grand Forks, said December 2013 was the fourth coldest December in the area since 1890. The average temperature was 0.6 degrees."

Yes you read that correctly, the average temperature was 0.6 degrees. Average.  0.6 degrees.  And we've got four months of winter left to go.  

A Gnome-y, Doggie Christmas

Merry Belated Christmas to all of our faithful readers. John is taking the night off so I thought I'd post a few photos of some of our awesome presents.

I have a fairly extensive t-shirt collection, thanks in large part to John's diligence. I got 4 t-shirts this year: an In-N-Out shirt (I still love California and all it has to offer), a Wallace shirt (he looks shockingly like Shadowfax on the shirt), a fluffy (not fat) sheep shirt.

and quite fittingly for this blog, a gnome taxi t-shirt.

All of them are awesome and I look forward to sporting them on a regular basis. I really look forward to the day when I have tenure. Then, I might start wearing them to school...

Also in support of the gnome theme, John's brother and sister-in-law sent me some excellent gnome knee socks - let's count the silent letters there. And, they also sent us a homemade gnome. Here he is resting quietly on our new plant stand.

If you look closely on his bag, she painted a fairly good likeness of Shadowfax (complete with a pink collar).

And finally, possibly one of the most awesome presents ever, I got a dachshund lamp. Not quite the leg lamp from the Christmas Story, but quite close. I new what it was when it arrived, as the box said white dachshund, but I held off until Christmas. I eagerly opened the box.

I was appropriately amazed when it came out.

Some assembly was required, which John assisted with.

And now it has a place of honor on our TV stand - next to the dog toys.

All of us here at Deaf Dogs and Benevolent Gnomes hope that you had a fabulous Christmas. More to come soon, including the yearly news letter.

Buoy Found!!!

Last month Deaf Dogs and Benevolent Gnomes helped raise awareness on behalf of a UND professor friend of ours who had lost his scientific data-gathering buoy.  See Have You Seen This Buoy? for the full back story.

We're happy to pass along the joyous news (via the Grand Forks Herald) that the buoy has been found.  Granted it's a bit of a bummer that it's current status can best be described as "intact, but stuck in frozen mud along the shoreline".  No word on what, if any, punishment is in store for the buoy for staying out past its curfew without calling and making us worry so much. 

Sleepy Slumber Time

It's sleepy time here at the homestead.  Pups are snuggled in their slumber balls, covered with cozy blankets, warm and drifting off to dreamland. Sub-zero temperatures outside don't have much of an effect on you when you're as snug as a pug in a rug. 

It was a long day of braving the cold outside, playing tug-of-war, and barking at bunnies from the upstairs window. 

In case you're wondering what pit bulls really look like, this is it.  They're huge sleepy lumps.  They'd rather snuggle than do just about anything else in the world. 

I Have Diseases

Huh?  Well I do have diseases, but that's not what this is about.  This is about Alycia's diseases.  Don't worry, I won't get too graphic or too personal or embarrass Alycia.  Well not much. 

Last winter Alycia was diagnosed with Raynaud's Phenomenon, which is essentially poor circulation in the fingers and toes during the cold months.  This wouldn't be a big deal if we lived in say...San Diego, but here in North Dakota, it gets surprisingly chilly.  She had spent the previous three winters with undiagnosed poor circulation in her fingers and toes and had essentially low grade frostbite for months at a time.  It had to have been painful and uncomfortable and we're both glad that now she has medication to help mitigate the poor circulation. 

Quick tangent - don't worry I'll tie everything together.  Last year Alycia's Dad had separate successive surgeries on both his thumbs and during the months of recovery he was unable to play golf up to his previous high level of performance.  Partly out of need and partly as a joke, he got his surgeon to write (on an official prescription form) "Due to recent medical procedures, please grant Tom Cummings an extra stroke per golf hole and extend to him every possible courtesy on the golf course".  Alycia's Dad is quite proud of this doctors note and shows it off to just about anybody. Alycia quickly realized the importance of having a doctor's note.

How Raynaud's Syndrome affects blood flow.

After her diagnosis Alycia spent a few months reminding me how special she was (having a "Phenomenon" and all), then quickly realized that she could play this card to her advantage.  Along with medication to help improve circulation, any and all clothes/shoes/accessories are now also considered a "medical necessity".  She no longer sees a pair of shoes or boots and remarks how cute they are, but rather how well they could help her manage the symptoms of her legitimate medical condition.  Sigh.  This leads to endless derivations of the following exchange:

Alycia - "Look at these SmartWool socks, they sure look warm.  I bet they would really help mitigate the terrible effects of my officially diagnosed condition."
John -  Sigh.

Alycia - "This homespun alpaca yarn would be perfect for me to knit into a nice warm scarf that could alleviate the symptoms of my legitimate medical syndrome."
John -  Sigh.

Alycia - "Oooh, look at these boots, they're cute!!  I mean, I bet they could sure help with my cold feet, which are brought about by a genuine medically diagnosed syndrome and for which I have a doctors note."
John - "Those are pretty expensive."
Alycia - (Sad puppy dog eyes) "But I have diseases" (continued sad face and a sniffle for good measure).
John -  Sigh.

7 Day Weather Forecast

Here's the 7 day weather forecast for our little corner of Northeast North Dakota, courtesy of the Grand Forks Herald:

Chilly!!!  It's always rough when the high temperature doesn't even get above 0, as it's forecast to do for 4 out of the next 7 days.  And this is just the air temp, with wind chills factored in there are going to be some -30 and -40 degree wind chill evenings.  It will take all of our persuasive powers to convince the pups to go outside and do their business.  I hope you're warm wherever you are.